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Fight Bits Round 3 – There will always be bullies

Most of us are the heroes inside the films of our minds. The inner narrative assures us that after all is said and done, we are usually right. It is a neurotic self-assurance that ensures even the most terrible in people continue to do what they do, with a nod in the direction of some moral righteousness. Every villain in the end, sees themselves as the hero. Even in many cases, the bully.

In the desperate moments of intimate violence, when a thug or a gang of them intimidate and bash with absolute disregard, it is hard to see how this could be so. Hard to imagine how someone so cruel could be loved and adored and yet they usually are. Perhaps there is a deception, they lie and pretend to be an otherwise lovely person. Rarely is this the case, they simply are who they honestly are.

For anyone who has been bullied, those lonely terrifying moments are seldom shared, those watching usually are baying for blood, yours. Biff Tannen and Johnny Lawrence each had their cronies. Somehow despite their meanness they were charming enough to seduce girls, win over friends and in the moments of thuggish violence had their wingmen present to assist and cheer them on.

Fiction tends to be a glorified and simplistic example to draw upon and yet it is often in its ability to take from life, and to narrate it in a manner so that it may entertain us. But most of all we tend to be able to relate to it, that is what helps makes most fiction so powerful.  As is the case in the fantasy world of Hill Valley a bully tends to only respect one thing, righteous indignation. That moment when the prey grows teeth and bites back.

This is easy to depict with the brush strokes of a writer’s pen, easy for an athletic grown man to suggest but for those suffering the fears of being bullied, the implementation is hard.  Many who have never experienced it or who have only avoided its true misery will offer token advice, as well meaning as it tends to be those who are being bullied know it is mostly useless.

Others may be a little more proactive, they may take martial art lessons, carry a weapon or in some rare cases outsource muscle, though not everyone is privy to a Ricky Linderman type outcast to protect them from the bullies. Sometimes it is a way of life and in time, when school is over or should the bully move on, the threat and fright dissipates.

What if the bully lives down the street or even wears a uniform ensuring the full weight of authority is behind them. What can one do then?  It is in these moments of plight that one must be active in their own preparation, not simply for the instance when they stand up and take back their dignity but for the fall out, the blow back of such a moment.  As mentioned above, even jerks have friends and should this bully be in a position of power, then wider implications may arise.

By standing up and fighting back, the risk of escalation exists but what if one has no other avenue, what if the bully-bullies have gone too far. Sometimes, you really have nothing to lose. This is why most of us start training in the first place. So that we may weaponise our minds and bodies, so that we are no longer victims, no longer prey to such societal predators.

The journey into fight training and martial philosophy may not come easy to some, whether it is a physical challenge to ready oneself for the many rigours of certain violence or if it is in the comprehension of potentially getting hurt, more humiliation or in destroying the bully to a criminal extent one must delve into these imaginings as part of their journey.

Dealing with the issue of bullies, in a day and age when online digital blathering’s is considered by some to rank as high a threat as a person bludgeoning another into physical misery it can become complicated as to what constitutes bullying. This is about traditional bullying, the physical or that with the spectre of physical violence. One knows if they are being bullied, they will feel it. It will nearly always consume their thoughts and interfere with their day to day.

It is in this instance that one needs to do something about it, the threat usually only grows and should it go away at some point, what will you do next time another bully comes along? This is a limited abstract answer, one which needs to be considered by the reader in regard to their own unique situation, the most important thing to do is to take back control. Bullies are not solely for children at school to deal with, they transcend the playground and infect much of life.

Much of the non-physical damage that occurs from bullying is due to a real sense of feeling weak and an inability to seize the ground of control. Control can come in many forms, it can be inside one’s own mind, in the language, removing oneself from the setting, egging the bullies car, punching the bully back  or by pushing a blade into the threats chest. At what point one needs to secure this control is determined in the moments.

It is not advised to end a life if the bullying is professional and generally hands off, but if the violator suddenly is upon you and is demanding your virtues with each and every thrust of their disgusting lusts, then it is something inside of those desperate moments that could perhaps be considered, for a lack of any other alternative. How far they push it, will often determine your reaction should you fight back. Control is when events turn, when it is about you and not the bully anymore.

Taking back the control is not necessarily a singular moment, it can be a process. It can simply start with the realisation that this is what is needed. Then over time with fantasies onto training or vocalisation one may feel the euphoria swell up, the adrenal assurance that this is what needs to be done.  Then in those instances where the threat has thrown you into a situation not of your own doing, you may seize that moment or at the very least fight them off so that you may escape.

Arming yourself with real weapons is a consideration, it is best determined by your location and how desperate the threat, if you are being harassed by an out of village war lord then anything from a recoilless rifle to an sub machine gun may be best advised.  For those being stalked, perhaps by a sexually violent bully being armed is advisable, and learning how to use such a weapon.  The dignity that such a bully can shred from you will never be replaced. Stalkers and the violent bully does not respect the restraining orders that are barely enforced by the State.

Being bullied can be one of the most powerful motivational tools that an individual can possess, it is not to be wished upon any one but the fear and anxiety that a predator can invoke is a pure muse. It allows one to conjure up both energy and inventiveness to both defeat and to ensure that it never happens again. Furthermore, the success at overcoming such an adversity may help to fuel you deep into later life.
Ultimately success, in whatever it may be, is the best form of revenge.  Knowing this, and embracing it can help you to overcome fear. Whether the fear is real or born from dark experiences that can guard you long on into your life.  You must want to defeat it, you have to want to no longer be inside that lonely pit of despair. You must need to break free. That Is for you and you alone to find. You need to find stable ground inside your mind and life so that you can seize control.

We will always live in a world filled with bullies of all sorts, those that enable them and then those who simply turn away as the beatings go on.  And as their will be bullies, so too shall there be the victims. If you are one or have been one, it is in knowing this reality and dealing with it that shall help to steer you onto a better or grimmer path. Do not accept it as being your fate, as much as this seems real at the time this despair is dangerously consuming.

It is a lonely journey this thing called life. Its joys and pains will be shared by many others, what dark fears and miseries you know may only be yours alone to keep. How you overcome and deal with them is a mark of your character, those that prey on the innocent or who derive power out of the pain of others shall always exist. They are perhaps the most human of us all, sadistic, social and secure in its many institutions. The bestial need to no longer be their prey is an instinct, how you take back that control is for you to determine. Strength is not found inside numbers or muscles, but in the willingness to do what is right, when others are too frightened to. Be strong.

 

Kym Robinson, October 2017

 

Published inAll Articles and EssaysCombat Sports and FightingPhilosophy, Society and Liberty

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